


His Best Chance

by CrazyTaraWitch



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Swan Queen Week, Swan-Mills Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1778335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyTaraWitch/pseuds/CrazyTaraWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two months after Regina Mills adopts her son, a knock comes on her door that changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awkward Situation

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be ongoing throughout Swan Queen Week+, with each chapter fitting the day’s prompt. I may skip one or two of the prompts if I can’t make them fit the story, but the story will be told in its entirety during SQW. There may be gaps between chapters, but the story should fit together as a cohesive whole.

_Knock knock knock_.   
  
Regina fumed as she stamped to the door. She would teach a lesson to whatever peasant had dared disrupt her life. It had taken her nearly an hour to get her son down for his nap, crying the whole time, and then the doorbell rang and he was screaming again. She had picked him up, ignoring whatever inconsequential idiot wanted to talk to her, and he had immediately spit up all over her blouse. Before she could do more than lay him back down the doorbell had rung again, and then that infernal knocking.   
  
For just a moment after she threw open the door, Regina was thrown by the anxious and slightly sheepish look on the face of the young woman that stood on her porch shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. Even after 18 years in this town, there were still many of its citizens Regina didn’t know, yet there was something different about this woman, something… foreign. Could it be that a stranger had come to Storybrooke?   
  
Against her will, the mayor felt her curiosity overriding her anger, though there was still a bite to her voice when she spoke.   
  
“May I help you?”   
  
“Hi,” the blonde greeted her awkwardly as she forced herself to stand up straighter and meet Regina’s dark gaze. “I hope I didn’t come at an awkward time,” she said with a glance at the sick covering her shoulder.   
  
“I dare say you did. However, it seems it’s never a good time when one has an infant.”   
  
A flush darkened fair skin at that. Regina was pleased to think that she’d made this stranger feel guilty for waking her son, and opened the door a little wider so his cries could reach the woman more clearly. “As you can hear quite clearly, my son needs me. So speak your piece and let me get back to him,” she commanded sternly.   
  
“I… That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m Emma; Emma Swan.”   
  
It was clear the woman expected a reaction, but Regina simply crossed her arms and waited. She didn’t know who this woman was or why she’d come here, but she certainly wasn’t going to beg for answers.   
  
The woman’s—Emma’s—brow furrowed for a moment before she continued. “I’m Henry’s birthmother.”   
  
Regina felt as if she’d been slapped in the face. At the look of shock on her face, Emma barreled on. “I know it was a closed adoption but I just—I needed to see him. I never held him after he was born, before I gave him away, and they never tell you how much time you have to _think_ in prison, but all I could think about for the last two months was him and how I never saw his face and I just—I needed a face to think about.”   
  
“Miss Swan,” Regina choked out, trying to ignore the imploring look before her and itching for magic more than she had in years. “You have no place here. Henry is _my_ son. You made your choice and I suggest you learn to live with it.”   
  
Regina was already closing the door in her face when the tears began to shimmer in green eyes.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
“Hush hush hush,” Regina cooed, trying to sound soothing despite the frustration pouring off her. She knew Henry couldn’t calm when she was like this, but for the last two days—since _that woman_ —anxiety had been wrapped around her so tightly she thought it might squeeze the life out of her.   
  
She’d taken him to the back of Granny’s, trying to get a little peace and avoid prying eyes, but he just wouldn’t quiet. Regina was contemplating abandoning the rest of her breakfast and just leaving when she heard footsteps come up behind her and stop dead. She whirled around and had the breath knocked out of her at the familiar sight of the young blonde. Instinctively Regina clutched Henry tighter against her chest before venting the fury and fear that had been bubbling inside her since she’d met this woman.   
  
“ _What_ are you doing here?” she demanded. “I made it perfectly clear you’re not welcome in my town. You have no business with _my son_.”   
  
For a moment Emma Swan fell in upon herself, and for the first time Regina realized how young she was—more child than woman. “I had nowhere else to go,” the blonde admitted. She was speaking to Regina, but her eyes were locked on the bundle in her arms; Regina realized he was only whimpering now, instead of the full-blown crying of a moment before. “I got out of jail and all I had was a crappy car and a couple hundred bucks, and all I could think of was him. About how I’d done to my kid what my parents did to me. I didn’t want…” Emma trailed off, but before Regina could speak she saw the frightened girl transform. When Emma Swan next spoke she met Regina’s gaze, and there was a fire and determination in her eyes that under different circumstances the former Queen might have admired. “I won’t abandon him. I wanted to give him his best chance and I thought that was without me, but I won’t have him growing up like I did, tossed around from family to family and never feeling good enough.”   
  
“I thought,” Regina ground out, “you merely wanted to see him. That is what you said, was it not?”   
  
Emma deflated again at that, looking a little guilty. “That is what I—I _thought_ that was what I wanted. But I see him and I…”   
  
Regina watched, frozen in horror, as this woman reached out and placed a hand on top of Henry’s head. Emma whispered reverently, “I want him,” and Regina came unstuck, ripping him away from her, shouting “He is _my_ son!” and stomping away without a second glance. Henry was screaming again, but she couldn’t hear him over the sound of her heart pounding.   
  
He was her son, the first thing she’d loved purely and completely since Daniel. She had let Snow White and her mother and her travesty of a life take him away from her, but _no one_ was taking her son.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
“That woman is a convict!” she shouted into the phone. “She’s a teenager with a criminal record! She can’t raise a _child_!”   
  
The man on the other end sounded genuinely sorry when he spoke, his calm tone only fueling her rage. “I’m afraid she can, Miss Mills. By law, in any adoption where the mother has relinquished her rights she has 3 months to change her mind. You can take it to court, but I don’t think your chances are good. In many of these cases,” he added placatingly, as if anything he had to say could comfort her, “the mother eventually becomes unable to care for the child. Should that happen, you may have another chance to adopt him.”   
  
_Another chance_. This was supposed to have been her chance. Her second chance at happiness. And here it was being ripped away from her. But she wouldn’t give up without a fight.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	2. Fake Relationship

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Look I know it’s not perfect, but don’t you want to be in his life?”

“Of course I do!” Regina snapped. “I am his  _mother_!”

“Not legally,” Emma reminded her sadly.

It had been nearly three months since Emma had gotten custody of Henry, and though she’d kept the older woman involved they both knew it wasn’t enough. Regina may have felt lost in the woods half of the time she’d had Henry, but she loved him fiercely, and Emma knew she’d been a good mom. Having wanted a mother all her life, how could she take one away from her kid?

Besides, she didn’t exactly make a lot of money working at Granny’s. Ruby had been happy to cut down her hours and get a few evenings off, and Granny had rented to her free of charge since she was working in the restaurant, but she still only worked about half-time and it wasn’t nearly enough to care for an infant all on her own. It seemed jobs were hard to come by in Storybrooke, especially for an 18 year old with a GED and a criminal record. Emma had no idea how she and Henry would have gotten by the last few weeks without Regina. Not that Emma took her money – she hated charity and would have sooner left town in search of a new town where she and Henry could make their home. But even with her work as mayor, Regina always managed to watch the baby when Emma had to work, and if she happened to buy him more new clothes than a 6 month old could ever possibly need, who was she to complain?

Regina looked ready to breathe fire as she resumed her seat across from Emma. Much as the blonde didn’t like the idea, she couldn’t help feeling a bit offended by the vehemence of Regina’s reaction. Was it really  _that_  disgusting of a proposition?

“Alright Miss Swan,” Regina stated slowly, trying to calm herself. “Explain to me again how you think this would work?”

“It’s not  _that_  crazy a plan…” Emma defended half-heartedly. When Regina railed at her for the thousand little things she did wrong with Henry, it was second-nature to fight back, to remind the older woman that she was at least as much his mother as she was and to point out that she’d made mistakes too; but when she was cold and calculating like this, it made Emma feel so small and inferior, reminding her that she was little more than a child. When she compared herself to the sophisticated mayor, how could she ever feel like the woman’s equal? There were times when she was happy to let Regina lead, but this was too important; it wasn’t just about how to dress Henry or whether to give him a pacifier, this was their  _lives_. And, she reminded herself as she sighed deeply, she wasn’t going to let the brunette make all the choices without a fight. “We move in together. You’ve already got a room for Henry, and I  _know_  you hate that we only have one room. I move in to the guest room, we pretend to be…” she trailed off, blushing and looking down at her coffee instead of meeting the dark gaze that was boring in to the top of her head.

“A couple,” Regina stated disdainfully. “And who exactly, Miss Swan, would believe that?”

Emma was almost glad to feel the anger the woman’s retort sparked in her; it was the times Regina pissed her off that she felt most able to handle this woman before her. “I don’t know,” she countered angrily, not bothering to think through her words, “someone with  _eyes_? Hell Regina, you could cut the tension between us with a knife! And we’re raising our fucking  _kid_  together!”

“There is  _no_  sexual tension between us.”

“Funny how I never said  _sexual_ ,” Emma pointed out with a small smirk, “yet that’s right where your mind went. Just like someone else’s would.  _We_  may know you hate me,” she said with a light shrug of her shoulders, as if it didn’t matter, but her eyes didn’t quite meet Regina’s, “but that doesn’t mean we can’t convince other people it’s something else.”

Emma knew she hated her. Regina was glad someone was certain of that, because there moments… There were moments when the woman smiled at Henry the same way she did, like he was the sun in the sky and the wind in her face, when she almost couldn’t hate Emma Swan, almost couldn’t wish her gone.

“I suppose,” Regina said stiffly, “it is possible some of the idiots around her would be foolish enough to believe there was more between us than Henry.”

Emma’s smirk grew at that, causing Regina to roll her eyes.

“We’re Henry’s two moms, the town already accepts that. And practically any night I’m not working I’m over at your house anyway.”

Regina pursed her lips, knowing that was true even if she couldn’t entirely justify why. She had taken it upon herself to teach Emma life skills that the woman was severely lacking—she couldn’t have her son being raised by a woman who thought poptarts were an acceptable breakfast and couldn’t even cook spaghetti without burning the pot. However even on the nights she wasn’t giving Emma cooking lessons or teaching her to balance a checkbook, one way or another they end up spending time together.

For Henry, of course.

“So in this “plan” of yours,” Regina began dismissively, trying to hide the fact she was actually beginning to consider the crazy scheme, “what exactly would we do after you moved in?”

Emma chewed on her lip, but Regina had learned she did this when thinking and forced herself to remain patient.

“We’d have to wait a few months, maybe a year,” Emma stated decisively after a moment. That’s how she always was—uncertain at first, then sticking to her guns come hell or highwater once she’d made up her mind. “We’d have to make everyone think we were really together. Committed. Then we’d file for the second parent adoption, and after it went through I could get my own place again. Shared custody, two homes, just like your average divorced parents.”

“And that’s what you want, Miss Swan? For Henry to grow up shuffled from place to place, never with one home to feel settled?” It infuriated her sometimes, the way Emma acted as if this… _arrangement_  of theirs was actually better for their son than what she could have given him if his birthmother had never changed her mind.

“We can give him a home!” She said fiercely. “I know you wish I would get the hell out of your life and leave Henry behind, but that is not happening. He is  _my_  son too, and if you want to be in his life we do this  _my_  way. You may rule this town,  _Madam Mayor_ , but you don’t rule me, or Henry. Two homes are better than none Regina. Don’t you get that I could just take him and leave? I’m staying because of  _you_ , because for all that you’re a manipulative bitch you love my kid. I have never had anyone love me like you love Henry, and I will  _not_ take that away from him. But I’m not going anywhere either. So this is it Regina. You want to be his mother? You want to raise him? This is how we get there. We give him a home, together, we spend the next year or two trying not to bite each other’s heads off, we get shared custody, and we let Henry have two places where he’s safe, two parents that love him. Either we’re together in this Regina, or we’re not. It’s your choice.”

Regina hated to admit it, but there was sense in what the woman had to stay. Emma wasn’t… _entirely_  incompetent, and if she did ever prove to be the waste of space she had first assumed, Regina would be in the best position to resume full custody. It might meant entirely too much time around the infuriating young woman, but if that were the cost for a life with Henry she would pay it.

The former Queen sighed, wishing once again that things were as simple as in her land, where she could have merely cursed or poisoned Miss Swan and taken Henry back for her own. In this world, however, her power only stretched as far as Storybrooke, and should her son’s birthmother disappear there would undoubtedly be those who connected the dots.

Until she found another solution, Regina Mills would have to accept playing the doting lover to Emma Swan.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Here you go… Emma,” she said with a smile, refusing to think about how easy it came now, smiling at Miss Swan. Emma accepted the coffee gratefully as Regina sat across from her, noticing the way the blonde inhaled the scent with a blissful grin.

Despite Regina’s initial misgivings, their weekly dinner dates were not the trainwreck they might have been. They had agreed it was important to be seen together, but Regina hadn’t been pleased by the idea that it was necessary to do so, at times, without their son. Emma had been quite insistent however, confident that couples with young children would want time alone. Regina couldn’t really argue with her logic, but she had feared it would only show the town how ill-suited they were; after all, what could she and Emma Swan possibly have to talk about?

In the beginning, conversations had covered only two topics: Henry, and their standing argument over the importance of Emma getting an education. Eventually, they began to expand their talks, squabbling over little things like what they would make for dinner the next weekend, whether it was more important for Regina to read Fight Club or for Emma to read Wuthering Heights, and the merits of black and white films—which Regina insisted were an integral part of Emma’s cultural education.

Today, their topic of conversation seemed to be the only one they could agree on, the adorableness of their son.

“He’s going to crawl soon, I’m sure of it!” Emma asserted proudly.

Regina gave her a warning look. “It’s not healthy to put those kind of expectations on him. He’s only 7 months old; if you had read the books I gave you, you would know that it’s perfectly normal for infants to start crawling as late as 9 months.”

“I did read them!” Emma defended. “But you’ve seen the way he rolls around, and have you noticed how he’s starting to rock on his knees? The book says that’s what comes before crawling.”

Regina smiled a little. Much as she was loathe to admit it, she was glad to see Emma becoming a better mother to their son, and she couldn’t help sharing in the younger woman’s pride at his achievements. “Yes, I’ve noticed. And you know,” she added conspiratorially, “he’s the only one in our Mommy & Me class who can sit up on his own.”

Emma grinned at that, and Regina noticed her eyes sparkled just like Henry’s did when he laughed.

“He’s really special, isn’t he?” Emma asked proudly.

Regina felt the younger woman’s hand come to rest on her own and nearly pulled it away before reminding herself they were supposed to be in love. Forcing herself to relax, Regina noticed that Emma’s hand was really rather soft, and pleasantly warm against her own. In fact, Emma Swan’s hand really wasn’t so bad at all…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	3. Amnesia

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Emma breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Regina’s eyelids flutter. A moment later the brunette turned her unsteady gaze on her, and she couldn’t help the smile that bloomed across her face.

“Hey,” she whispered, reaching out to press a gentle hand on top of Regina’s.

“Hey,” Regina croaked uncertainly, voice hoarse from days of disuse.

Emma felt helpless at the look of confusion on her face, and she felt the relief that had flooded through her begin to fade. Dr. Whale had warned her about the possible effects of the brunette’s head trauma, but this was  _Regina_ ; she was invincible, and Emma hadn’t really believed a car wreck could change that.

“How do you feel?” Emma asked gently.

“I…” Regina’s brow furrowed as she trailed off. “Dizzy. My head… hurts.”

Emma winced at the brunette’s difficulty in getting out the words. Seeing the eloquent Mayor, always read with an answer to everything, reduced to this seemed not only sad but so  _wrong_. This wasn’t her Regina—not that she had a Regina. Emma didn’t think Regina was  _hers_ , they just… They had a son together, and they were roommates; sometimes they were almost friends. But after nearly a year of living together Emma had never seen her like this, vulnerable and weak. It scared her. Regina was the strong one, the one who always kept Emma from fucking up too badly; she didn’t know where she’d be anymore without that support—no matter how antagonistic and condescending it was half the time.

“I’m in a hospital, aren’t I?” Regina asked uncertainly after inspecting the room.

Emma nodded, holding her breath and waiting for the questions she was now almost certain were coming.

“What… happened?”

“We were in a car wreck,” Emma told her, chest still tight with fear.

“We…? Who…?” At the confusion on her face, Emma felt her stomach drop. There it was. “I don’t… I don’t remember… anything,” she admitted, panic dawning on her normally composed features.

Emma wouldn’t cry. Dr. Whale had warned her this could happen—temporary amnesia was common. But Regina Mills was anything  _but_  common, and Emma had refused to believe… But she wouldn’t cry. This was only temporary. Regina would come back to them; she had to.

Until then, Emma would have to be the strong one.

“You had some head trauma, and the doctor said… Your brain might be a little fuzzy for a while. I’m gonna go get the nurse, she can explain things better.”

“Wait,” Regina begged, and Emma felt her heart skip a beat when the older woman’s hand reached for her own. “Don’t… leave.”

Emma’s heart broke at the plea in her voice. Without thinking, she reached out and stroked Regina’s forehead. “I’ll be right back, I promise.”

Emma was gone less than a minute, and couldn’t help feeling a bit pleased when she saw the relief on Regina’s face at her return. “The Nurse is just finishing up with another patient, but she’ll be here before you know it,” Emma reassured her with a small smile.

“That’s… good. I… Who am I?”

Emma swallowed the lump in her throat and resumed the seat she’d practically lived in for the past two days before answering. “Your name is Regina Mills. You’re the mayor here, and you have a son.  _We_  have a son,” she added quietly.

“I have a son?” Regina asked with a ghost of a smile.

Emma smiled warmly and nodded. “Henry. He’s 1 and he’s perfect. He has these… chubby cheeks, and he still wobbles when he walks, and he calls us both Mama.”

“Mama,” Regina repeated reverently. “I have a son. And I… I have you?”

The hope in her face was like a knife in Emma’s heart. Not that she wanted… She didn’t want Regina to  _have her_ , she just wanted her to be happy. She was tempted to lie and say they were together, just to keep that happy look on her face, but she knew once the brunette got her memory back she wouldn’t appreciate such a deception.

“It’s… complicated,” Emma admitted, not meeting her eyes. “Henry’s what matters to both of us. We do live together though,” she added, though in her heart she feared it would be little consolation to a lost woman who thought for a moment she had love. Maybe that’s what hurt the most; the fear that… whatever the three of them were… wasn’t enough. For this Regina or her Regina.

Regina nodded slightly; Emma was sure she didn’t understand, but imagined it was all a little overwhelming just now. Silence started to stretched between them when the Nurse finally arrived.

“Good morning Miss Mills,” she greeted Regina cautiously. Emma supposed she must have been familiar with the Mayor’s famous temper. “I’m Carol, I’ll be your Nurse today, so if there is anything you need you just let me know. I’m just going to do a little assessment, ask you a few questions, before I go get Dr. Whale.”

As the questions began, Emma felt herself zoning out, her lack of sleep catching up with her as she nearly dozed off in the chair.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It had been a relief to Emma when Dr. Whale said he wasn’t concerned. Despite all of his cautions before Regina woke, having the Mayor wake a stranger had been devastating. Whale was sure she’d get better in time, probably just a few days, and he encouraged Emma to do everything she could to jog her memories.

“It always helps to have a loved one around,” he had reassured them both. She felt a little guilty at that; their fake relationship, though initially a shock to the town, had become so normal Emma almost forgot about it sometimes. When it was just the three of them in their day to day lives, it didn’t feel like a lie anymore.

But it was. Of course it was. Regina didn’t love her, and Emma feared she was the exact wrong person to bring Regina back to her. Emma still had to try though, because the truth was she and Henry were all Regina had.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Regina was napping when Emma came in with Henry a few hours later. She knew Ruby took good care of him when she babysat, but if felt better to have him in her arms, especially when their life was turned upside down like this.

As soon as he saw his other mother, the toddler began squirming. “Mama Mama!” he shouted excitedly. It was clear Henry missed Regina, but Emma feared he would be disappointed when she finally woke and looked at him without the love that always shown in her eyes for their son. There was no more time to worry about that, though, as the brunette began to stir at the sound.

“Sorry we woke you,” Emma said sheepishly as she watched Regina’s eyes flutter, struggling to adjust to the bright light.

Regina opened her eyes properly then, and the smile that bloomed across her face melted Emma’s heart. “Is that… Henry?”

Before Emma could answer, Henry began reaching for her and was once again calling out “Mama.”

“May I?” Regina asked uncertainly, and despite the apprehension on her face Emma could sense her longing.

“Of course. He’s your son,” Emma reminded her, letting Regina sit up before placing Henry in her lap and sitting in the chair by the bed.

It was beautiful, Emma decided, watching a mother fall in love with her son. Henry required some redirection to leave Regina’s IV alone, but after Emma handed over a book and his favourite stuffed animal he settled down and played happily in his mother’s lap. Emma had planned to try to talk to Regina, share memories like Dr. Whale had suggested, but she didn’t have the heart to interrupt, so she merely sat back and watched. After a while the toddler began to yawn, and he cuddled against Regina as she read him Dr. Seuss; Emma struggled to hide her mischievous grin, knowing how much her Regina hated the inane rhymes. When she was back to herself she’d give Emma an earful, but it would be worth it.

Before the book was finished Henry had dozed off, cradled in Regina’s arms. Emma thought of offering to take him, but they both looked so peaceful.

Regina looked at her with a soft smile. “So, Dr. Whale seems to think you can help me get my memories back.”

“Yeah… Well he didn’t promise anything. But I guess it’s worth a shot? I’ve really only known you the last year but… I can share the stories I have.” Once again Emma felt a wave of guilt that she didn’t have more to offer, that she didn’t know more about the life of the woman who had become such a big part of her own life.

“Only a year?” Regina asked in confusion, clanking down at the little boy resting in her lap.

“Remember when I said things were complicated? Well, I’m Henry’s birthmother. But you adopted him. And we take care of him… We take care of each other,” she added softly, a bittersweet smile gracing her lips. “You don’t even like me most of the time, but it’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a family.”

“So we’re… roommates?” Regina guessed, trying to wrap her mind around this.

Emma couldn’t explain why Regina’s entirely accurate assessment made her sad, but she refused to show it as she nodded. “The town thinks we’re together though,” she admitted. “Again, complicated, but we’re doing it for Henry. So, if anyone asks,” she teased with forced humor, “you’re  _madly_  in love with me.”

Her Regina would have scoffed at that, rolled her eyes, bitten her head off; this Regina just tilted her head and looked at her intently, as if she was starting to fit pieces together in her mind. Emma blushed slightly at the intensity of the gaze.

“So, those stories. I could tell you about Henry’s birthday? Or my birthday… You still won’t tell me when yours is. Probably worried I’d get you some hideous present you’d hate – or worse that I’d get you something you actually  _like_. You hate it when I get things right,” Emma informed her with a smirk and a sparkle in her eye.

“How about you tell me… What a normal day’s like for us?” Regina suggested.

Emma bit her lip; she wasn’t sure there was much normal about their lives, but she’d give it a try.

“Well, you get up first in the morning; you’re crazy-punctual, and you  _always_  cook breakfast. I don’t know how you have the energy. You used to just cook enough for you, but you got frustrated by me just eating cereal or poptarts every morning, so now you cook for all of us. Sometimes I make Henry’s toast, since that’s about the only thing you trust me with.” Her tone was light, and Regina couldn’t help but smile; despite what the blonde had said, she was certain she must like this playful woman who could speak of her so fondly.

“Whoever hears Henry first gets him up, but it’s usually me since you’re downstairs making food. I get him dressed, then you scoff at his outfit, let him get it messy while he eats, and chance it to something ‘more suitable for your little prince,’” Emma mocked with a regal town that sounded nothing like the woman she was imitating. “Then you go off to work, and Henry and I stay home. Your job sounds in _sane_ ly boring, which I guess is why you don’t talk about it much. Most days you meet us for lunch at Granny’s, this little diner where I work. I help with the lunch crowd, so you take Henry with you to work for a couple hours. I think he naps most of the time, but I’ve glimpsed a few pieces of paperwork that look just like a one year old coloured on them. You insist you would never allow such a thing, but I know he’s your weakness.” Both mothers smiled down at the sleeping boy at that, and as they looked up their gazes caught. Emma felt her chest constrict at the warmth in Regina’s smile; she had to remind herself that this wasn’t real, that her Regina only ever smiled that way at Henry. And despite how nice it was to actually feel for a moment like her kid’s mother liked her, she knew she’d trade the feeling in a heartbeat for a glare that would mean the real Regina was back.

Regina broke the silence and the moment passed. “So what do we do after work?”

“After work, we make dinner at home. You insist that I help you, so that Henry doesn’t get malnourished once we have our own place.” Emma saw Regina’s face fell at that, and she felt like an idiot. “Not that he won’t live with you!” she added hastily. “Just, half time with you, half time with me, that’s always been the plan.” Regina still looked oddly sad, and Emma wished she could make it better, but as usual she was clueless when it came to the Mayor. It seemed she’d never learn the right things to say or do. She sighed a little, and decided to just keep talking rather than let things become more awkward. “After dinner, you play with Henry while I study. You talked me into going back to school,” she added proudly, “and I’m six months in to an online programme. I don’t have a major yet, but I’ll figure it out. That way I won’t have to wait tables at a sucky restaurant the rest of my life. I’ll be able to give Henry the life he deserves—we both will.” _But not together_ , she reminded herself. Together was just a lie they told everyone else… but damn it was a nice lie.

The stories went on for nearly an hour, until after Henry had woken and Regina had become sleepy once again. When they finally left for the day with promises to come back in the morning, Emma found she was sad to go.


	4. Caregiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short and kinda sucky. I’m really not happy with it at all. I had originally thought of doing something with Emma being sick, but decided this fit the timeline better, and in the end just lacked inspiration. The next chapter should be better, and a nice turning point in the story.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
It was two days after Regina’s memory came back before Dr. Whale said she could come home. Emma was glad Regina wasn’t there to see her grin at the news.

Regina was coming home. The house had seemed so large without her, though it couldn’t exactly be called empty with Henry around, filling it with life. Emma told herself she only hated having to do all the cleaning, and cooking on her own, but she knew it was more than that. Regina was the biggest part of her life besides Henry, and she missed her. She would be glad to have her home.

Emma’s excitement at the prospect faltered a little with Whale’s next message: Regina would need to be on bed rest for several days. While Emma didn’t mind helping, she was certain Regina wouldn’t like that idea one bit. The woman barely trusted Emma to dress herself. She sighed. It was going to be a long week…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Just  _eat it_ ,” Emma told her in exasperation. “I cooked it and it’s fine.”

Regina raised a skeptical eyebrow, but said nothing as she took a small bite. “It’s… edible, I suppose,” she admitted grudgingly.

Emma grinned at her, instead of her usual glower Regina actually  _smiled_  at her. It had taken a full day of her being home for the blonde to notice, but she seemed to be acting differently towards her. Nicer, maybe? Whatever it was, it made her uncomfortable; much as she appreciated Regina not arguing with her over every little thing, she wanted things back to normal.

Oh hell, who was she kidding, she missed arguing over every little thing. She wanted  _her_  Regina back, but it seemed even after the memories returned something was off.

Still, Regina was home, and no matter how cranky she was at being trapped in her room, having here was infinitely better than having her gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Will you  _stop it_? I told you I’m perfectly capable of bathing on my own,” Regina snapped. Emma couldn’t decide if her flush was from anger or something else.

“I was just trying to help! I don’t see what the big deal is, it’s not like I’ve never seen a naked woman before.”

Regina looked surprised for a moment but didn’t comment on that revelation. In truth she’d only ever seen girls nude in group homes when they couldn’t be bothered going to the restroom to change, but she found she didn’t mind the idea that Regina would assume something more intimate. What she did mind was Regina’s aversion to helping. She’d handled everything better than Emma could have expected up until now; what was the big deal? Still, Emma didn’t want to fight, so when Regina gave her  _the look_ , she relented.

“Fine, I’ll just read a book in the next room or something, so I can hear you if you need me. And don’t you  _dare_  put on a brave face if you need help, or I will  _kick your ass_ ,” Emma told her sternly.

Regina rolled her eyes, but allowed Emma to help her into the bathroom before sending her out with a glare.

_Yup, definitely a long week._

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_


	5. Truth Serum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really understand how Nitrous Oxide works, so I’m sure I got some things wrong; but I heard a Nursing professor refer to it as Truth Serum, so I thought it would fit my story nicely. I’m making some things up regarding its use, so if you happen to be someone familiar with it, try for suspension of disbelief :)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Regina had been home for nearly a week before she started noticing the symptoms. Maybe she had been too focused on her own healing before that, or maybe she had been distracted by how oddly Emma had been acting around her since she got her memory back.  She had been unable to put her finger on it, but something had definitely been off with the younger woman, with the way she was constantly trying to help and acting almost…  _protective_. Regina was a Queen, she didn’t need protecting! But now, she wondered if the oddness had been due to Emma’s pain all along.  
  
Even after she realized Emma could barely eat and noticed how swollen her gums had gotten, it took another week to convince her to see a dentist. It was ridiculous how much the blonde complained about the cost; she would have to get on Regina’s insurance, because this reluctance to care for herself was absurd.

Now another week had passed, and here she was waiting in a dentist’s office, instead of at work; she was finally able to return to her Mayoral duties, but instead she was here, because Emma Swan couldn’t be trusted to show up for her root canal without Regina to drag her. It was really quite childish, the level of a fear a grown woman had over such a simple procedure. She had practically begged Regina to come along, with a vulnerability she had rarely shown in more than a year since she showed up on her doorstep. The older woman had never known Emma not to meet a challenge head-on, and though she knew the procedure would be perfectly safe she couldn’t help worrying a little at Emma’s fright.

She wasn’t supposed to care. Emma Swan being in her life was only a matter of convenience, a way to keep Henry. Nothing mattered but her son; certainly not his mother.

So why was she here then, waiting with a constantly fidgeting Emma, trying to calm her with magazines and books and stories of Henry? Obviously Emma wouldn’t be able to drive herself home, but Regina could have gotten in a few hours at the office, instead of sitting here feeling useless, irritated by the slowness of the staff and the nervousness of Emma.

Emma. Why were her thoughts so conflicted now when it came to the woman? It had been a long time since she’d been able to simply hate her, though she had tried to for much longer. It was impossible to see the love in their son’s face when he smiled at her and not soften just a little. She had been jealous for a long time; Emma was his legal mother now, as well as biological, and Henry adored her. Even now Regina couldn’t say when it had happened, but somewhere along the way she’d stopped viewing Emma as her adversary; they were a team.

It hit Regina suddenly, sitting there flipping through a magazine and taking in none of the words, ignoring Emma and the  _infuriating_  way she tapped her when fingers from nerves, with the full force of an undeniable truth: for all that it had started out a lie, Emma Swan was her partner.

The sickening part was realizing it was something she had never had before. For her mother she had been a pet, a tool. Even with Daniel, things had always followed her lead; for all that she’d loved him, he’d been a servant, and he’d always bent to her whims. When she had been married to the King, she had been more a prize than a person, locked away and never given the power she craved. As the Evil Queen everyone had been beneath her, those who had foolishly loved her most of all. After coming to Storybrooke, everyone had feared her. Everyone until Emma. Emma didn’t see her as an Evil Queen or a power-hungry Mayor, or as someone to be used, or as a something precious that needed protecting; she was just Regina, the mother of their son.

Regina knew the partnership wasn’t exactly one of equality. Emma lived in her home, in her town. Emma allowed her to treat her like an incompetent child one moment and someone she respected the next. Because that was the truth, wasn’t it? Despite all the ways she acted toward Emma, all the insults and all the squabbles, Regina respected her. More than that, Regina _trusted_  her. And that was a terrifying thought.

Regina Mills didn’t trust. Not since the day a smiling girl full of sweet promises betrayed her and the mother who was supposed to love her killed Daniel. Regina didn’t trust people, she didn’t respect people, and she certainly didn’t love anyone except Henry.

Ever since her memories came back three weeks ago, there was a lot about her life Regina didn’t understand anymore, but the thing that confused her most of all was Emma Swan. No one in the town of Storybrooke had ever had a nice thing to say about their Mayor, except Sidney with his ridiculous infatuation over her power; she might not be the Queen in this world, but she was still evil in the eyes of her citizens. Granny and Ruby, and to her disgust even  _Snow_ , had tried to extend olive branches when she first adopted Henry, but her rebuffs had sent them all away with the clear message that just because she was a mother she wasn’t  _soft_ , and she didn’t need help or sympathy from anyone. All she took from her citizens was their fear, and all she gave them was her disdain. That was how her life worked, until Emma.

Why on earth did Emma Swan want anything to do with her?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Will you  _stop that_?” Regina finally snapped.

“I can’t help it!” Emma complained. “We’ve been waiting for ages, and I can’t concentrate on anything else! If I’m bothering you so damn much, distract me.”

“And how would you suggest I do that, dear?” Regina asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Just, talk to me or something.”

“Alright, how about we discuss the trip to Boston? We still need to reschedule.”

Emma paled slightly, and Regina wondered if perhaps Emma had suffered more than she let on from their car wreck on the way nearly a month ago.

“Right, yeah, Boston,” Emma returned meekly. “Adoption hearing, very important. Gotta get that over with.”

Regina’s brow furrowed, confused by the way Emma wouldn’t meet her eyes. Then it hit her—Emma was having second thoughts. Emma wanted Henry for herself.

Regina’s face became a cold mask as her mind raced, searching for plan to bring the downfall of Emma Swan. The trust had been a lie; life had taught her long ago that betrayal was a certainty, and she had been a fool to forget that lesson. It was a lesson it was time for Emma Swan to learn.

Mere moments had passed after this revelation when the dentist finally came in. She explained the procedure once again, and then there was a man in scrubs preparing to administer nitrous oxide, and telling Regina with a laugh that she better be careful what she asked because nothing short of magic makes a better truth serum. Then he was gone, with a promise to return in 15 minutes after the drug had taken full effect.

15 minutes in which Emma Swan couldn’t lie, and if what Regina had read was correct she wouldn’t remember a thing. Regina’s eyes gleamed at the prospect. It was time to find out just what Miss Swan was planning, and what she could do to stop it.

“Emma,” Regina commanded her attention after waiting a few minutes for the nitrous oxide to start working. The woman already looked out of it, but she smiled broadly at Regina—the kind of warm smile she’d given her in the hospital after the accident. The kind of smile that made her own lips start to curve upward instinctively, until she remembered this woman was trying to take her son away. “Why don’t you want to go to Boston?”

Emma’s smile faltered and her face clouded over. “Don’t wanna lose you,” she mumbled sadly. So it was about the car wreck after all? But before Regina could ask, Emma continued. “Once you adopt Henry, you won’t need me around anymore. We’ll be… like a divorced couple, cept we were never together. But,” she brightened up, “you’re stuck with me next 6 months! I get you allll to myself! Just me and Henry and you!” she smiled smugly at that, and Regina’s heart skipped a beat. What was happening?

“Why have you been different since my memories came back?” she asked impulsively, wondering instantly whether she really wanted the answer to that.

Emma looked at her for an instant like a deer in the headlights, then burst out laughing. Regina was irritated and bewildered as she watched the younger woman’s whole body shake. Finally her laughter subsided to chuckles, and she was able to speak again. “ _I’m_  not different, yoooour different!” Emma teased. “ _I’m_  just being nice.”

Regina sighed, concluding laughing gas made Emma slightly more impossible than usual.

“And  _why_  are you being nice dear? We’ve lived together for a year, and you never felt the need to be ‘nice’ before the accident.”

Emma’s laughter finally stopped, and she met Regina’s gaze full on. “I missed you.”

Before Regina could process the words, the door opened and she stood frozen as Emma was taken away, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	6. Accidental Marriage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this up! I have another piece in my head that I wanted to add to this chapter before I posted it here, but I've taken too long so I think now if I ever write it I'll turn it into an epilogue. Apologies for the delay!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Regina, it’s gonna be  _fine_ ,” Emma assured her. The blonde’s level of calm was maddening, but Regina merely pursed her lips and stayed silent. They’d had this conversation more than once already on the drive, and she felt no desire to repeat it.

Today was their final visit, the final signing of the documents. She knew as well as Emma did that this was merely a formality, but it was still the day that determined whether she had legal rights to her son. Emma’s insistence that her nerves were uncalled for was infuriating.

The truth was it had been a long road to get here. There had been home visits, interviews, surprise inspections, paperwork, meetings with lawyers. All so she could have legal rights to the child who should have been hers all along. In the beginning Regina had refused to believe it would work, wouldn’t let her hopes get too high. But now that they had reached the end, she finally realized that she was staking everything on this.

She had known Emma meant it when she told her she would be in Henry’s life no matter what. Emma always teased that she could tell when people were lying; Regina might not have shared her superpower, but she could tell when Emma was hiding things. Emma believed that Regina would help her raise Henry, but that didn’t change the fact she was a 20 year old single mother with no obligations to anyone but her son; she could have every intention now and still change her mind down the road. She could meet someone and move away. She could see Regina for who she really was and decide Henry was better off without her.

No matter how much they were meant, promises could be broken. Regina wanted— _needed_ —something solid, something Emma Swan couldn’t get out of the day she decided Regina wasn’t worth it.

~*~**~*~*~*~

Emma insisted on framing the letter when it came. Proof that Henry Swan-Mills was the legal child of both his mothers. Regina rolled her eyes while trying not to smile, insisting it was tacky and didn’t fit their elegant house. She pretended not to feel gratitude over Emma’s enthusiasm, just as she pretended not to notice Emma’s smile when she referred to the manor as their home—hers and Henry’s and Emma’s.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Another letter arrived the day before Emma moved out. It had taken longer than planned for that; Regina was  _not_  dragging her feet, it was simply difficult to find a suitable apartment for Henry and Emma, especially since Emma refused to accept financial help. They had actually fought about it—their first fight over anything more serious than burning dinner or allowing Henry to bump his head in months. Regina had insisted it was standard for a parent who made more money to provide child support; Emma had insisted that Regina stop treating her like a worthless child who couldn’t handle anything on her own. The words had felt like a slap in the face, though the guilt that had accompanied the sensation suggested Emma’s accusation wasn’t entirely unwarranted.

Summer was coming, and tomorrow would be the first of June. Emma had insisted that summer was the perfect time for new beginnings. To Regina it felt like the only thing beginning was goodbye.

Emma was out shopping for a new bed for Henry when Regina found the letter.  _To Mrs. Emma Swan and Mrs. Regina Mills_. It was a big brown envelope with an official seal from the state of Massachusetts. Regina’s first thought was of Henry; the adoption had been finalized months ago, they still had the damn certificate over the mantelpiece! They couldn’t take that away. Her heart raced as she ripped it open, and then skipped a beat when she saw what was inside.

She was calling Emma without a thought. She didn’t bother with a greeting when the younger woman answered. “Come home. Now,” she said stiffly. She hung up without waiting for a response. She knew Emma would worry, but if that got her home faster it would be worth it.

It was barely 2 o’clock, but she poured herself a stiff drink and she shook as she sat down to wait. She couldn’t process this without Emma, or without alcohol.

“What the hell Regina??” Emma called angrily as she rushed into the house, seeming to forget there was a napping toddler upstairs. “I called 6 times! I thought something had happened to you, to  _Henry_!”

Regina met her hot anger with a cold mask as she slid the letter across the table. “Look at this.”

Emma picked up the papers and read them with confusion. She paled, and she shook as she sat down and read them again. Her expression was one of panic when she finally turned toward Regina. “Married?! How can we be married??”

“According to this,” Regina explained hollowly, “the papers we signed for Henry’s adoption made us partners. When marriage equality went into effect in Massachusetts two weeks ago, apparently all civil unions became… marriages.”

“Okay, *how* are you so calm about this?”

Regina stamped down on the feelings that ran through her at the accusation. She felt anything but calm, but she didn’t even know what her feelings were, so she certainly wasn’t going to let them control her.

“It is merely an inconvenience, Miss Swan. In a few months’ time we will file for divorce, and our plan will be back on track.”

“If this is so insignificant, what the hell was with that phone call? You didn’t sound this calm then!”

“My initial reaction was… extreme,” Regina admitted reluctantly. “I was married once before, and it did not end well; I found that I did not take well to the idea of being married again. However, I have since realized this ‘marriage’ means nothing more than the other lies we’ve been telling for the last two years.”

Emma’s voice was small when she responded. “Yeah, of course; it’s just a piece of paper, right? I’m just gonna… go check on Henry, see if he’s up yet.” It was a feeble excuse and they both knew it, but Regina watched her go without a word.


	7. Creator's Choice - Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the final chapter! I changed it a tiny bit from the version on tumblr, as I think this is a better ending. So if you read it there and think something's missing, you're right!
> 
> This chapter is a little different. The tense has changed and the POV shifts around, but I don't think it's *too* awkward!  
> Also, I really suck at writing Ruby, so apologies for that. There are some bits where I fear Regina and Emma are a bit OOC, but I had a lot of fun writing this one so I hope it’s still bearable ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading!

~*~*~*~*~*~

The first night without them, Regina sneaks into Henry’s room, as if there’s still someone to wake. She feels empty as she sits beside his bed, and cries as she cradles his pillow to her chest. He’ll be back in a few days, but things will never be the same again. Her little boy is only half hers now, something she hasn’t felt since the day he and Emma Swan came to stay.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The first night Henry’s back home, he wakes up crying. His life has been so disrupted the last few weeks, it’s no surprise. Regina takes him into Emma’s room—the guest room, she has to remind herself—and they sit together in the rocking chair until he falls asleep. He’s so big on her lap now, growing so fast. She thinks about all the things she’ll miss, not seeing him for a week at a time, and holds him more tightly against her. She doesn’t think about the things she’ll miss in Emma’s life, and she certainly doesn’t cry, sitting in that empty room thinking about Emma Swan and all the nights they sat up with Henry together.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The first night in her apartment, Emma can’t sleep. It had always been like this as a child. Each time she got a new foster-family or was sent back to the group home, she couldn’t sleep for a night or two. It had changed when she was 13, when she’d realized everywhere was temporary and always would be. She got used to moving, learned to sleep without feeling settled. Learned to shut off the loneliness that came from having nowhere to belong.

But for the last two years, she’s had a home.  She’s told herself Henry was what made it home, but sitting in the dark watching him sleep in his brand new bed, she knows it’s a lie. Henry is her family and he matters more than anything; but he isn’t the only thing that matters. He isn’t the only one who’d given her a home and a life and a family.

Now that home is gone, at least for her, and Emma is left with the once-familiar emptiness.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time Emma admits her biggest secret is to Ruby. She doesn’t have to work that day, but it’s Regina’s week with Henry and her apartment feels too empty, so she goes to Granny’s for hot chocolate and a little company.

Emma hasn’t bothered to hide the deep bags under her eyes. It’s been a month since she moved, and she can still hardly sleep, especially the nights Henry’s with Regina. Much to her annoyance, it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

“It’s hard to sleep when you miss having someone next to you,” Ruby comments, with that odd mix of understanding and pestering that’s uniquely her own. “Why’d you move out Em?” she asks for the hundredth time.

It had never occurred to her that the town’s acceptance of her fake relationship would lead to questions when it ended. But Ruby, who had seen more of them together than anyone else, couldn’t seem to let it go. Emma knows her best friend is nosy, but she can’t understand why the girl cares so damn much. The badgering has been starting to piss her off.

“I told you Ruby, it just wasn’t working,” she tells her shortly.

“That’s not an answer,” she insists. “If you’d wanted it to end you wouldn’t look like you were on the wrong side of a boxing match and your puppy just died. So spill, why did you leave?”

“Because I wanted it to be real!” Emma shouts, finally losing control. “Do you know what it’s like to be with someone and wonder every day if they’re only with you for your kid?” The diner falls silent at her outburst, and all she can hear is the beating of her own heart. “I gotta go,” she mumbles, ignoring Ruby’s calls as she heads out the door.

What the hell had she meant by that? Of course Regina had been with her for Henry. That had always been the plan; it’s what they’d both wanted… wasn’t it?

Emma is far away in her thoughts and halfway down the street before Regina gets up from her discreet booth at the back of Granny’s and leaves the diner, head held high as if nothing she heard matters and heart racing as if it’s the only thing that does.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time Regina admits she’s crying over Emma is the day she files for divorce. It’s been a week since Emma’s outburst, a week of going through ever confusing moment of the last two and a half years in her head. Every moment when she couldn’t decipher a look from Emma, every moment she couldn’t explain the way her belly flipped at a look from the blonde.

She remembers waking up in the hospital after the accident, the way Emma smiled like the sun had just come out after a week of rain. She remembers Emma telling her all the little moments of their life together, laying them out before her not as special gifts but as the tiny cornerstones that built the world around her. She remembers after her memories returned how Emma took care of her, how she admitted later she had missed her.

She remembers a thousand moments with Emma Swan. She remembers the day Henry took his first steps; Regina had been at work and Emma had called her, all excited, and when she came home that evening Emma had spent hours trying to coax him to walk again so his other could see it. She remembers Emma trying to hold the remote out of her reach so Regina couldn’t turn off the terrible horror movie she was enjoying, smiling mischievously and daring the older woman to play along. She remembers playing Tickle-Monster with Henry, tag-teaming him until they were all rolling on the floor laughing, Regina feeling freer than she could remember being since she felt her hair flow behind her as she rode her horse through the hills with a stable boy at her side.

She remembers, and she cries.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time Emma sees the papers she feels nauseous.

She’s yelling the second Regina answers the phone, but quickly hangs up and drives to the house in a rage.

She sees Henry as soon as she gets there and tries to calm down for his sake, but she’s still furious after she pulls out the emergency-distract-Henry-playdoh and asks him to play while she talks to Mommy in the other room. He pouts for a moment, wanting to play with the mother he hasn’t seen in days, but can’t resist the temptation of squishing and making shapes.

“What the  _hell_  Regina?” she seethes, struggling to keep her voice down. “You filed for divorce without  _telling me?!_  What happened to making decisions together?”

“I have the right to make my own choices!” Regina answered sharply.

“Jesus Regina! I knew you didn’t want to be married, but you could have fucking told me.” Regina flinched and Emma almost felt guilty, but she was still too angry and hurt to regret her words. She knew moving out had changed things, that Regina had distanced herself, but she had thought her son’s mother still respected her. “Don’t you care about me at all?”

“Of course I do!” Regina snapped angrily, shocking the blonde with the force of her words. “But caring about you and wanting…  _this_ … are two very different things.”

“What do you mean “this”? Being married to me?”

“Pretending!” From the look on her face Regina was as surprised by her admission as Emma was, but she forced herself to keep going, anger fading into pain. “I’m tired of pretending, Emma. I don’t want the lies anymore.”

“Then what do you want?”

Regina turned her back before answering, unwilling to look Emma in the eye when she finally spoke. “I don’t want to be married unless it’s real.”

Emma’s heart sank. She’d never thought how hard it must be for Regina, who’d already had one unhappy marriage with someone she didn’t love and didn’t choose; the older woman made little mention of her past, but it hadn’t been difficult to piece together that much. Now here she was trapped again, trapped with someone else she didn’t love. Of course she’d want out.

“Right, yeah,” Emma mumbled. “I get it. I’ll get the papers to you by the end of the week.”

Emma didn’t see the tears in Regina’s eyes as she left, didn’t hear the tiny sob that escaped her as she realized the blonde’s words to Ruby had been another game; Regina was alone in wishing that their life were more than a lie.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time Emma gets drunk, Ruby yells at her.

She’ll be 21 in a few weeks, and decides to get a head start on celebrating. Ruby’s happy to join her, until Emma’s drunk enough she’s crying and spilling all the secrets she’s kept inside for nearly three years.

She mostly talks about Regina. The way Regina used to hate her. The way Regina never trusted her with anything. The way Regina always expected more of her, pushed her to go to school and learn to cook and be  _better_. The way Regina beamed at Henry, and the way she sometimes looked from him to Emma with her smile still shining bright as the sun, sharing the glow with her. The way Regina’s smiles make her giddy. The way Regina’s hair always looks stupidly perfect, even at 6am. The way Regina didn’t want to be married to her, didn’t want to live with her, didn’t want to love her.

That’s when the yelling starts. Ruby yells that she’s an idiot for giving up, and Emma cries harder because Regina hasn’t called her an idiot in weeks. Ruby lectures and yells while she cries, and Emma only thinks of Regina.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time she’s hungover, Ruby makes her coffee. They both drank too much, but her best friend is annoyingly perky. They eat breakfast while Emma tries to rebuff the waitress’s attempts to discuss last night’s revelations.

Emma’s finally starting to accept the truth she’s ignored for so long. She’s in love with Regina Mills. As much as she can no longer deny her feelings, she can’t deny that Regina doesn’t return them.

Ruby’s still talking, trying to convince Emma to pursue the brunette. Head pounding, Emma gets more frustrated by the minute.

“She doesn’t want me Ruby!” she finally shouts, anger winning out over her sorrow, at least for the moment. “She doesn’t want to be married to me! So what the hell am I supposed to do?”

Ruby has a curious look on her face. “She said that?” Emma only nods.  “What were her exact words Emma?”

Though she can’t imagine why it matters, the blonde thinks back. She’s spent the last three days trying to forget that conversation, but it’s seared into her mind and the words come to her more easily than she would have liked. “She said she doesn’t want to be married unless it’s real.”

Ruby grins triumphantly at that, as if Emma just proved something she’d known all along.

“Don’t you get it Emma?” Emma just stares at her in confusion and Ruby smirks. “I’ve gotta get to work, but you let me know when you figure it out.”

Emma watches her go, her mind slugging through the puzzle pieces to try to find whatever picture Ruby thinks she sees.

The moment it clicks she feels faint. Regina had been upset when the letter came, saying they were married; she’d insisted she didn’t care, but she had distanced herself. She’d filed for divorce, and said she didn’t want to be married unless it was real. Not she didn’t want to be married, not she didn’t want Emma. She didn’t want the lies. Hadn’t Emma felt the same? The hardest lies are the ones you wish were true.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The first time Regina sees a light on at home when there shouldn’t be one she’s concerned.

She pulls up to the house and leaves Henry in his carseat while she goes to see what’s happened. The Mayor of Storybrooke is not a woman who leaves lights on. She feels a moment of fear, but by the time she reaches the door she’s assumed her regal glory. She may not have magic in this world, but she is still a force to be reckoned with.

As soon as she opens the door she hears a familiar voice cussing from the kitchen, and she can’t help the chuckle that escapes her. She may not know why Emma’s in her house, but she knows it’s safe, and she quickly goes to retrieve their son from the car.

“I was trying to cook lasagna,” Emma explains sheepishly. Regina starts to point out that she can barely make spaghetti, but thinks better of it.

“Why are you here, Emma?” There’s no malice in her voice, only curiosity. Regina’s still holding Henry and Emma steps closer to ruffle his hair before she answers.

“I came home,” she answers softly. There are still more questions, but for now it’s enough.

~*~*~*~*~*~

All their firsts seem to happen in a day.

The ruined lasagna has been thrown out, the rare treat of pizza has been ordered and eaten, and Henry has been bathed by both his mothers and put to bed, more content than either woman can remember seeing him in weeks.

They walk down to the living room and sit a little closer than necessary on the sofa. Emma stares at the walls but feels Regina watching her before she speaks.

“Why are you here Emma?” she asks again.

Emma wants to run and she wants to cling to Regina and she wants to flee before her heart gets shattered, but most of all… “I want it to be real. You and me and Henry.” Her voice grows stronger with each word, and she finally meets Regina’s gaze with a challenge. “I love you and I want it to be real.”

Regina’s eyes flare, and before Emma knows it she’s having the breath kissed out of her. She’s never known Regina to be impulsive, and when she finally pulls away Emma half expects her to regret her actions, but all she finds in her eyes is the heat of passion and the warmth of love.

Before either woman knows what’s happening, they’re leading each other upstairs. Covered in darkness their bodies come together, and when ecstasy washes over Regina her fingers curl in long blonde hair as she guides Emma’s head closer to her own as she whispers, “This is real.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Their first morning after, Emma wakes alone, and for a moment she fears it was a dream until she notices where she is. She can’t help but grin at finding herself in Regina’s bed, despite her disappointment that there’s no one beside her. She’s shocked when she realizes it’s nearly 11; they’d kept each other busy long into the night, but Regina never lets her sleep this late.

She finds a clean shirt of Regina’s to wear and makes her way downstairs. She walks into the kitchen to be greeted by the happiest cry of “Mama!” she’s ever heard, as a tiny brown-haired bullet plunges into her. She picks him up and holds him tightly against her before meeting Regina’s smiling gaze.

“Good morning, dear,” Regina greets her, and on impulse Emma walks over and places a gentle kiss on her lips. Henry giggles at that then gives Regina a kiss of his own before Emma puts him down.

Henry tells her about his morning while she pours a cup of coffee. She’s amazed by how quickly he’s learning new words. He talks about the pretty flower shop and the dog they saw while walking—it had spots and that seems to be very exciting. Emma tries to focus, but keeps getting distracted by the seductive looks Regina gives her.

Regina makes an early lunch and then they put Henry down for his nap. As soon as they close the door on his room, Emma wraps her arms around Regina. “Good morning,” she greets her lover and kisses her again, much less gently this time. Regina’s hands slide to her waist and slip under her shirt to rest against warm soft skin. After a few moments Regina pulls back, and Emma’s heart leaps to see the hunger in her eyes. The blonde leans in to devour her lips once more, but Regina steps back, releasing her light hold on Emma.

“We should talk,” Regina states almost regretfully.

“But kisses,” Emma whines, and she’s pleased to see Regina smile at that.

“Much as I want to kiss you senseless and screw you until you can’t walk, there are things we should discuss. Come along dear,” she requests as she walks away, swishing her hips a little more than usual as if she knows Emma can’t resist watching her walk.

Emma follows her to her study and smiles when she sees the flowers displayed around the room. They’re brighter than Regina’s usual style, and the room seems more full of life than Emma’s ever seen it before. She watches as Regina walks around her desk and sits. Without a word Emma takes the chair across from her. Regina looks more serious now, her eyes still gleaming but with something other than lust.

Emma watches in confusion as she pulls a stack of papers from her desk. She slides it across to Emma’s left side, and Emma’s throat constricts as she realizes it’s a copy of the divorce papers.

Tears sting her eyes, but she doesn’t look up until she sees Regina place small jewelry box on Emma’s right side. Her eyes search Regina’s face for answers as the older woman opens the box, drawing Emma’s gaze. Inside rests a simple gold band.

“Choose wisely, Miss Swan.”

~*~*~*~*~*~  
The first time she lets Emma decorate, Regina comes home to find two new tacky, framed documents hanging on the wall, on either side of Henry’s adoption papers. On the left, there’s their marriage certificate. On the right, their divorce papers, still unsigned.

~*~*~*~*~*~

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone wondering, Emma stole records about Henry’s adoption to find him. I thought about having it mentioned in the story, but then realized Regina would have had her arrested if she’d known, so I’m leaving it out. 
> 
> Also, I ended up changing some of the actions/interactions in this chapter because as I started writing them I decided what I’d planned wasn’t realistic for the characters. So, I hope in the end I did them justice! Constructive criticism is always appreciated.


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